i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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