My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
