He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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