What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
