Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
