I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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