I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
