Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
