Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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