My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
