I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
