Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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