as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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