No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
