If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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