Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
