The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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