i jhust puked up my retainher.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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