my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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