And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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