I think I can smell my own vagina right now
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
