That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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