So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
