Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
