nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
