Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wanna go halves on a baby?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
