I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
