i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
