Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
