If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
