If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
