READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
