Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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