North Korea, Best Korea!
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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