I can text with my tongue
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
