I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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