I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
