new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
