You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
