i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
