R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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