Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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