haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
