My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
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Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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