So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
