I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
