he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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