Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
