god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
