I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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