4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
