just survived the first fart of the relationship.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
