Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
