What a fucking waste of an outfit
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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