just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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