Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
