I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
