WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
