She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
