I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
