So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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