Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
