Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
