Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you never un-have a 4some
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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