We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
