You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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