I'm jealous of your bromance
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
