wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How's work?
Spinning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
