we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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