Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
