Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
