I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
COCAINE IS GR8
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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