you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
