I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
