yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
