never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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