...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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