We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
