Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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