my sisters under your porch take her home
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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