So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
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Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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