So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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