I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
