he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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